One journey ends ... Another begins.

"As for man, his days are like grass; As a flower of the field, so he flourishes. For the wind passes over it, and it is gone, And its place remembers it no more. But the mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him ..." - Psalm 103:15-17

God gave me that verse last week, but I didn't completely understand why. My life tends to be so busy and involved these days, that I didn't take the time to really meditate on it as I should have. However, today the verse is very clear and means a great deal to me.

I don't always understand why God does the things that He does. Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." We can know that no matter how unthinkable something may be that occurs within our lives, God is in control and it is yet another step for us to take in maturing as Christians. Sometimes God allows people to come into our lives, for short periods of time, that not only become a part of our existence, but that impact us in such a way as to forever alter our hearts and the way we live our lives. That's where this begins.

Ms. Kay was, for sometime, just a nice old grey-haired lady that sat next to me in Choir. We began speaking to each other when she first moved into the seat next to me. She lamented about being a female tenor and the identity problems that came with it. She told me many times that although she didn't sing that well, she felt the calling of the Lord to be in the Choir. She proved to me over and over again the dedication she had to doing God's will in her life by showing up for every rehearsal and performance for months on end. Her attendance was an example to us all.

As time wore on, we talked about our lives and all of the things in them. She talked frequently of her cats, whom she loved with all of her heart. Before I got a kitten of my own, she gave me a small, metal sculpture of a Orange-striped cat that she had picked up at the Hallmark store, telling me "that can be your cat until you get a real one." It is sitting on my nightstand right now. When I finally got a cat of my own, she couldn't have been happier for me. We both lived alone and our pets provided love and entertainment for us when we were at home.

We talked endlessly about our lives, our financial problems, and our families. We found that we had a great deal of things in common. As the months progressed, we shared our lives as best friends do and prayed daily for each other. She became an important part of my life, telling me that I was her "adopted son". I began to call her "Mama Kay". If I was not at rehearsal or in a performance for any number of reasons, she would tell me later that she was worried about me and that she was praying for me.

Ms. Kay also had quite a sense of humor. About a year or so ago, for several months of Sundays, she would scoot down in her seat in the Choir loft just so that, for the cameras, it would look like the bald-headed guy in front of us had a pile of curly white-gray hair on the very top of his head. It was truly funny and I had to struggle on several occasions to keep from laughing out loud. Thank goodness the gentleman that was the victim thought that it equally as funny. It became a ritual to watch the screens to see if she could do it.

I also enjoyed listening to her talk about her job. She was employed as a product demonstrator at Walmart. She had hundreds of funny stories about her demos, but the one that sticks out in my mind is the demonstration she did for Bounty paper towels. I laughed at her as she told me what a dreadful demo it was and how everyone that she tried to stop told her that they didn't like cleaning up messes at home, so why would they want to see her make one and clean it up at Walmart? She said that she was only able to get about five people to watch her over a four hour period, and that they only watched because they felt sorry for her. It was truly funny.

Yesterday, after we sang "In The Presence of Jehovah" for the second service at Church, we walked into the Choir robe room to hang our robes up. Afterward, she gave me a hug and told me "see you tonight". "Okay" was my reply, the same as every other Sunday. She walked up the hall for what would be the last time that I saw her.

At about 12:58, about an hour and a half after I last saw her, she was involved in a traffic accident and killed instantly. Suddenly, she was gone before I had the chance to share everything with her that I wanted to. Life is so short and there is no guarantee of tomorrow for any of us. I can only say that I will never again live my life the same way, and that I am happy for Kay; knowing that she is truly "in the presence of Jehovah".

I could sit here and tell you what a wonderful woman she was, but words could never fully express how I felt about her. I loved her as the dear friend that she was to me. She was the last thing that I thought about last night before going to sleep and the first thing I thought about this morning. I miss her.

There is a song by the Gaither Vocal Band that says:

"Knowing we can spend a lifetime reminiscing on the past ... Knowing I will see your face again where tender moments last ... It makes me want to go there, knowing I won't be alone ... Knowing you'll be there makes it easy to go home."

I have been on this Earth for 41 years and a lot people have come and gone. Although Ms. Kay occupied a relatively small portion of my life, she has made an immense difference through her friendship and prayers. And along with her death comes a profound effect on my Christian walk and a deeper understanding of God's word as it says that we are "like the grass; as a flower of the field."

And in this world full of weeds and thorns, Ms. Kay was a rose.

"Goodbye for now, Kay. I love you."

One last call home.

"Now He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who also has given us the Spirit as a guarantee. So we are always confident, knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord. For we walk by faith, not by sight." - 2 Corinthians 5:5-7 (NKJV)

My job provides me with a cell phone that they pay for. Because of my always being in the road, It is inevitable that I am going to use the phone for personal calls, and I had programmed it with all of the phone numbers that I needed for friends and family. The phone that I had was going bad and I began to have problems with it, so they provided me with a new one yesterday. I was happy to finally have a new phone, with a lot of new features, empty and ready to program. However, I had no idea of the long emotional bridge that I would cross because of it.

Sometimes, we come across things out of the clear blue that remind of us of a time gone by. And occasionally, of people and places that are long gone. I found myself confronting such an experience today.

I spent the afternoon programming all of the phone numbers that I needed into my new phone without even thinking about it ... Multiple business related numbers, my close friends, and many others. Shortly before I reached the end of the day, I began to clean out the old phone and erase the numbers out of it, eliminating some that I no longer needed and some that I had already taken care of. Then I came across it ... My Dad's name and phone number. Out loud in the office I told some of them that I had just come across it and that I felt bad about erasing it. They just looked at me with a sense of sympathy as I told them that I had just never taken it out and that I had never thought about it. It had never crossed my mind. I found myself being drowned with a deep sense of melancholy and excused myself from the room.

I walked into the Men's restroom and stood there for a minute just looking at myself in the mirror. Slowly, it overtook me and I broke down for the first time since my Dad died. In my mind I remembered that the number had always been our number at home. I had grown up with it. It was the one way that everyone in town that we knew could reach us. However, when Dad died, we just let the number go. I am not exactly sure why other than our need to just let it go.

As I stood there, trying desperately to pull myself together, I remembered Dad ... and home ... and Mama ... and a whole deluge of experiences. I realized that this little entry in a cell phone was my last attachment to it all and that it was now time to let it go and move on. I didn't really realize that it was still all inside of me until that moment. I wished that I could that I could take that cell phone, and place one last call to my family so that I could tell them just how much I love and miss them. Although I know that they are all in Heaven together, there is still that little something inside of me that wants them to be here beside me.

The Lord allows these sorts of experiences to draw us to him. Through our sadness and memories, we should remember all that we have been through in our lives and all that God has done for us. He has brought me so far from where I was. We should also seek his guidance and remember that beyond this world there is something much better to go to. Those family members that know him as their saviour will be there waiting when we get there.

As I sit here writing this through my tears, I pray for comfort and once again I can feel the Lord's loving arms wrap me in His love. The Lord is always there when I need him. In my moments of sorrow, when I feel like everything is caving in on top of me, He is there to comfort and guide me. He is my best friend. I tell him all of joys and my deepest secrets, and he whispers peace to me. Without Him there to lean on, I don't know what I would do.

As for the phone, I left Dad's number in it and put the phone back in my pocket as I walked back to the office. I wanted to hold on to it all for just one more day.

"Lord, help me let this go today and move on. It's just a number in a cell phone, but it carries so much of my life with it ... and so many people that I love. Lord, comfort me as I grow beyond this and keep those that are gone and memories of home fresh in my mind."

My journey continues ...

"Whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. - James 4:14 (NKJV)

"You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a breath. Selah." - Psalm 39:5 (NIV)

Dwayne was a friend of mine long before I became a Christian. We went to school together and were friends. Within 6 years of our graduation from High School, he was dead. He died from AIDS long before a lot of us even knew what it was. He was gay, and a drug user. He became infected with the HIV virus through sharing a dirty needle. His lifestyle and choices lead him to his grave long before he should have been there. His death came as a shock to me when it happened. I felt a lot of sorrow deep inside of me as I came to terms with his death. At the time, I was still exploring my own life and destiny and could not grip what it all meant.

Life is so short. It is hard to believe that it has been that long since he died. It is also hard to believe that I turned 40 this year. I thank God everyday that I was able to make it this far. Over the years, before I became a Christian, I saw a lot of my friends die from AIDS. Many of them died believing the lie that there was either nothing after death or that to just be associated with the idea of God was enough. The hardest thing that I live with these days is the knowledge that a lot of my friends died without knowing Christ as their Saviour. I wish that I could go back in time and fix it, but it is much too late. Of course, I would like to think that shortly before some of them took their last breath that they gave their hearts to Christ. That is my prayer.

Today as I came back from a short road trip with my job, I stopped by the cemetary to visit Dwayne's grave. I have visited it several times over the years, but this was the first time that I had been there as a Christian. As I stood there at the grave, I spoke to him ... somehow wishing that he could hear me. "Dwayne," I said, "We were all wrong ... all of us. We lived our lives without any forethought as to the consequences of our actions and without any thought of God. Luckily, The Lord lead me through and I am still here. But you're not ...... I miss you and I wish that you were here." I stood, staring for a moment. "Dwayne," I said, "I'm not coming back here anymore to visit you. It's time to move on in my life and leave all of this behind me once and for all. Your grave is a reminder of another time and place, before I gave my life to Christ and He changed me. I just hope that when I get to Heaven that I find out that in the fleeting moments of your life, you gave your life to Christ. I hope I see you there." With one last look, I got back in my car and left. It was time to go.

Life is really short. I can't change the lives that are gone, but I can be here to tell others what Christ has done for me. He altered my existence and rescued me from a life of misery and alcohol. Words cannot fully express the difference that He has made in my life. I love Christ with all of my heart and could not ever repay what he has done for me. As for death, I am not afraid of it. I want nothing more than to spend eternity with Him, but there is too much to do here ... too many people that are where I was that need to hear about God's amazing power and love.

My journey continues.

Thank you, Lord. Thank you.