"Whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. - James 4:14 (NKJV)
"You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a breath. Selah." - Psalm 39:5 (NIV)
Dwayne was a friend of mine long before I became a Christian. We went to school together and were friends. Within 6 years of our graduation from High School, he was dead. He died from AIDS long before a lot of us even knew what it was. He was gay, and a drug user. He became infected with the HIV virus through sharing a dirty needle. His lifestyle and choices lead him to his grave long before he should have been there. His death came as a shock to me when it happened. I felt a lot of sorrow deep inside of me as I came to terms with his death. At the time, I was still exploring my own life and destiny and could not grip what it all meant.
Life is so short. It is hard to believe that it has been that long since he died. It is also hard to believe that I turned 40 this year. I thank God everyday that I was able to make it this far. Over the years, before I became a Christian, I saw a lot of my friends die from AIDS. Many of them died believing the lie that there was either nothing after death or that to just be associated with the idea of God was enough. The hardest thing that I live with these days is the knowledge that a lot of my friends died without knowing Christ as their Saviour. I wish that I could go back in time and fix it, but it is much too late. Of course, I would like to think that shortly before some of them took their last breath that they gave their hearts to Christ. That is my prayer.
Today as I came back from a short road trip with my job, I stopped by the cemetary to visit Dwayne's grave. I have visited it several times over the years, but this was the first time that I had been there as a Christian. As I stood there at the grave, I spoke to him ... somehow wishing that he could hear me. "Dwayne," I said, "We were all wrong ... all of us. We lived our lives without any forethought as to the consequences of our actions and without any thought of God. Luckily, The Lord lead me through and I am still here. But you're not ...... I miss you and I wish that you were here." I stood, staring for a moment. "Dwayne," I said, "I'm not coming back here anymore to visit you. It's time to move on in my life and leave all of this behind me once and for all. Your grave is a reminder of another time and place, before I gave my life to Christ and He changed me. I just hope that when I get to Heaven that I find out that in the fleeting moments of your life, you gave your life to Christ. I hope I see you there." With one last look, I got back in my car and left. It was time to go.
Life is really short. I can't change the lives that are gone, but I can be here to tell others what Christ has done for me. He altered my existence and rescued me from a life of misery and alcohol. Words cannot fully express the difference that He has made in my life. I love Christ with all of my heart and could not ever repay what he has done for me. As for death, I am not afraid of it. I want nothing more than to spend eternity with Him, but there is too much to do here ... too many people that are where I was that need to hear about God's amazing power and love.
My journey continues.
Thank you, Lord. Thank you.
