"Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes." - Luke 12:23 (NIV)
"For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain." - Phillipians 1:21 (NKJV)The other day as I listened to a Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir CD as they sang "In The Presence of Jehovah", it occurred to me that it has been almost one year since Ms. Kay was killed in a car accident. As the song played and the tears poured from my eyes, I remembered that song as the one our Choir sang that morning. I recall looking over at her that morning and seeing her lifting her hands in praise as we sang. Little did I know that would be the last time that I would get to stand next to her on this side of Heaven. And what a wonderful memory to have of her.
That Sunday morning, my intentions were to leave the Choir for the Christmas holidays. I wanted to take some time to think about resigning. I had discussed it with Kay and she had told me to pray about it and to make sure that God was leading me to do it. She told me repeatedly that she just didn't believe that I was supposed to leave the Choir, and that she didn't want me to quit.
After giving a hug to Ms. Kay that morning in the Choir room after our performance and telling her goodbye, I went out to the Church Cafe' to finish my duties out there and to go home. As I cleaned up the area and straightened the tables, a little boy of around nine years old appeared over along the fencing. He was someone that I had never seen before. His demeanor was filled with humility and innocence.
As I noticed him, he asked me where the restroom was and if I would watch his Bible and the dollar bill that he brought for tithing. I told him to go ahead, and to put them on the table and I would be glad to watch them. When he walked around the corner, I noticed his little white Gideons Bible that someone had given him and the crumpled dollar bill that he had grasped so tightly.
After a minute or two he reappeared from around the corner and began to speak.
"You're in the Choir aren't you?" he asked.
"Yes I am."
"I want to be in the Choir someday. You wanna hear me sing?"
"Sure," I said as I put down my towel and went over to him. As he started to sing, out of his mouth came a pure, sweet, angelic voice singing "Jesus loves me". As he sang, emotion swelled into my throat at the purity of what I was hearing. I was so taken by this event that I didn't know what to say at first. When he finished he asked me if I thought he could sing. All that I could manage to say was "yeah ... You sing really good."
"You sing it," he said, "so that I can hear you sing."
"Alright" was my reply as my tired voice stumbled through the song with a version that paled in comparison to the sweetness of his.
"That was real good," he said while looking directly at me, "You sing real good. No wonder you're in the Choir. I wish that I could sing like that."
With that, he looked directly at me, smiled, and told me "bye" and that he was going into the sanctuary to sit down with his family. He began to walk toward the far set of doors as I turned to pick up my towel to finish. As I turned back to watch him walk in, he was gone and I haven't seen him again. That morning, as I stood there and God taught me yet another lesson, Kay was spending her last moments on this side of Heaven.
Since that day, I haven't really discussed what happened. Up to this point, I have only told a couple of people. The truth is that I don't always understand why things happen as they do, and I am sure that there is a much deeper meaning in it than I have yet discovered. The one thing that became crystal clear to me, though, was that my place in the Choir was more than a choice ... it was a calling. And I knew that God wanted me there … regardless of how I feel or where I sit.
I am sure that as time goes along I will get clarity in God's intentions that morning, in understanding a song from a humble and innocent child, and in God's decision to take away my best friend that same morning.
It has been a long year and Kay's memory has stuck with me. There is never a day when I don't think of her. I miss her just as much today as I did the day she left. It was her determination to keep me in the Choir that continues to keep me there today. And as we sing some of her favorites, I long to have her standing there beside me, praying for me, laughing with me, and giving me the courage to continue to stand up on Sunday Mornings and sing to a God that doesn't hear the imperfections in my vocal chords, but the praise that comes from my heart.
And there is truly so much praise inside of me for the Lord and his gift in sharing an Angel named Kay with me.
Somewhere far away, Kay is part of Heavenly Choir that is forever singing the praises of our wonderful Savior. And I just know that when I get there, she will be saving the seat beside her just for me.
